my vag is so smooth its legendary
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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