hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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