I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
