didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
