Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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