It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
