wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
