chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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