I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
