The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
