I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
