I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
