I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
