Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
