I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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