this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ugly people sure do ruin things
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
