I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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