chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
