This is not my ceiling
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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