the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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