You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
