I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
