just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
