Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
