do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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