Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
