I am spending my child support on dildos
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
