I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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