I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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