if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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