I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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