I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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