Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
