I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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