Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
