My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
