My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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