I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
