Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
