just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
