Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
two words: eviction party
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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