OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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