one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this will be a night to untag.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
