Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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