It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
