I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
