You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
