Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
