The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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