my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
