is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
