oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
