Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
