Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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