either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
