Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
