Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
