I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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