Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
